Friendship training
On Olympic bonds, aptitude tests, and the skill set that goes with being a friend
It's almost ritualistic how often news coverage of the Olympics zeroes in on stories of friendship -- of teammates with extraordinary bonds, of bonding in defiance of doubters, of friends who travel the globe to support their Olympians. Friendships formed in the midst of great challenges take on a special character, of course, since friendship is quite nearly always the result of shared experiences. The more extraordinary the experience, the more unusual the stories can be.
■ But this ritual ought to give the rest of us pause to consider whether sub-Olympian friendship gets the elite attention it deserves. Friendship is a skill, after all: It may feel effortless to be in a friend's company, but it takes at least some measure of effort to keep a friendship alive.
■ Perhaps we could start by helping people to recognize their own friendship typologies early on. We subject young people to all kinds of tests -- college-entrance exams, physical-fitness tests, career-finder aptitude surveys, and more. And few things are stronger clickbait than quizzes that promise some kind of self-knowledge at the end.
■ Where, then, are the tests to help people authentically figure out for themselves which of their friendship skills are weak, strong, pronounced, or hidden? Some people are great at loyalty. Others are terrific listeners. Some bring life to every party. Others always know the right way to help when it's needed. Some people will go anywhere they are invited. Others recruit new friends into existing groups.
■ Too often, though, we don't know how to leverage our strengths and overcome our weaknesses. For instance: Some people are natural ringleaders, but may not realize how much others unwittingly depend upon them to do the leading and may misinterpret that dependency as others not fully reciprocating their efforts. Others may engage constantly over phone calls, chats, or social-media posts, but not realize that others aren't always comfortable sharing personal news other than face-to-face.
■ A great deal has been said and done to discourage bullying and to place high social status on kindness. These are good marks of a society trying to become healthier. Practically all of us are born wanting to be liked by at least some others -- but we should also recognize that although human interaction may come instinctively, friendship is a life skill at which most people can (and should) try to grow.
