Good talk
On chit-chat about the weather, Gen Z stereotypes, and why it's up to elders to help young people become skilled at the basics of conversation
Complaining about the habits of youth is one of the most time-honored traditions in all of human history. What in particular the elders complain about changes from generation to generation, but typically it has something to do with social skills: Signs of respect, work ethic, or something alike. One of the concerns most prevalent today is the worry that young people simply don’t know how to talk to one another (or to older people) without the presence or intermediation of a smartphone.
■ The simple art of conversation feels very much under threat. For all of the legitimacy that there may be to that complaint, there seems to be something missing from the conversation: The question of what any complaintive elder is doing about it.
■ Conversation is a skill, and like any other communication skill, whether it’s writing or reading or flagging a message in semaphore, conversation requires practice. For every complaint lodged about the apparent inability of youth to engage in conversation, the question ought to be posed, “Well, then, what are you doing about it?”
■ Elders need to ask themselves whether they participate in real and sincere conversations with younger people, or whether they spend more time either haranguing the youth in question or, perhaps worse, putting on a transparently insincere show (the gold standard for which might forever be Steve Buscemi’s “How do you do, fellow kids?”).
■ It’s important to model this art of conversation without appearing (or being) insincere or trite. And if any part of that feels unnatural to elders, then we should take it as a sign that perhaps we are leaving the much-maligned youths unattended and unaided in a quest to improve themselves to meet expectations without guidance.
■ Certain low-hanging conversational fruit will almost always fall flat: Youth culture will almost always seem foreign and weird to anyone over about the age of 30, much as prior generations’ youth culture have typically seemed unfashionable (at least until selectively reappropriated, like reviving an old fashion in clothing or sampling a classic song in a new hit).
■ So we have to find ways to introduce conversations and ask questions, conduct interviews, and perform the basic functions of verbal exchange without defaulting to subjects that have unimaginative answers. Likewise, elders have to resist the urge to make every interaction an uncomfortable flashpoint (”Put that phone down! Why can’t you just talk to us?”).
■ Who doesn’t rely upon a crutch from time to time in a social circumstance? There’s not that much difference between resorting to “Nice weather we’re having” as a safety icebreaker and retreating to the security blanket of a smartphone screen rather than strike up a conversation. If we simply make fun of the crutch, then we’re not going to do anything productive to help bridge the gap and introduce those new skills.
■ Shame on us if all we do is make fun of people younger than us for spending time on their phones if we aren’t affirmatively (and helpfully!) engaging with them in social circumstances, in workplace environments, and in daily life. Adults need to model how adolescents are ultimately going to be accepted as peers among their elders, because it always happens sooner than we think. It’s entirely our own fault if they turn out to be terrible conversationalists because we haven’t given them the encouragement and practice to be better.
